Please put her letters in my coffin...
02, Oct 2005 23:13
I heard this utterance the other day. It comes from my friend’s ex-husband. They divorced a couple of years ago for the man had a love affair with his colleague. It was my friend that asked for the divorce, and everyone blamed the man for his unfaithfulness. But I know my friend feels guilty most of the time.
I have known them since senior high school. While in the second grade in senior high, the man fell in love with my friend at the first sight, and began to chase her. At that time, in that small city, Hualien, I think my friend felt proud rather than fell in love with the man. Anyway, they became a couple. After graduating from senior high, we left Hualien to go to different colleges. My friend and I lived in Taipei, and the man went to 新竹. It was not far between Taipei and 新竹, so he would come to Taipei every week as well as writing her a letter every day. He is really good at writing love letters. She sometime shared the letters with me, and I was really touched.
However, for a rural girl, the life in university was full of diversity. My friend started to think that she didn’t love the man, but each time she wanted to end the relationship, the man did many touching things to impress her. Years later, she gave up the idea of breaking up with him and treated him more like a family member. After knowing each other for ten years, they got married.
Getting married should be a happy ending in melodrama, but in reality, life still goes on. The man began to complain that my friend did not love him, and gave priority to everything except him. He was so desperate to get her love, but she gave him affection not passion in return. Then, a considerate girl came to his side and listened to his complaint. Gradually, the friendship was transformed into a love affair. After a short period of time, my friend knew the love affair, and she decided to let him go. She felt happy for him, for she thought he deserved to be loved. Since she couldn’t give him so much love, she should let him be loved by some other girl. Therefore, they got divorced. The man could not but accept the outcome, though this was not what he wanted. Before long, he got remarried to the girl.
Five years passed by, and they never saw each other again. But recently, they met each other coincidently at a party. My friend greeted him in a friendly way, and he seemed happy as well. But after the party, he called me, and cried in the phone, asking me, “Did she ever love me?” Not until now do I know how deep he loves her. Then he told me, “Would you please put in my coffin all letters I got from her after I die?” He said that these letters would keep him company in another world. I don’t know how to reply. My heart is aching. I ask myself, "Can time really heal the wound hurt by love, or it makes the wound worse?" I don't know. I have forgotten the face of my first love, but why can't the man be saved by time? Tell me what is love.